Im getting those thoughts. You know, the ones that creep into your mind without warning and you just cant "un think" them. Cant erase that seed of doubt thats been planted. The ones that tell you that you're not good enough, your will not strong enough. That everyone else around you is better, more talented, more accomplished and more loved than you are or ever will be. Their future seems brighter than yours. Their teeth seem whiter, their words more intelligent, their wallets heavier-you fail to compare in every respect. You start obsessing over casual remarks others made about you, ones that didnt mean to harm, but now you just cant stop thinking about them. What could she have meant by that? Why did he say that about me? Is it true? Must be. Its the end of the day. Disappointments, irritations, rejections you faced during the day, however big or small, snowball themselves into a force that breaks you down completely. You believe those thoughts and they become more vicious by the second. They swamp in on you, surround you. There's no escape. Or atleast you dont see one. Maybe you dont want to. Maybe somewhere, for some reason, you want to feel bad about yourself, pity yourself, hurt yourself. Everything is uncertain. You start believing that you really arent good for anything. And its too late. That you have to live as you are, talentless and inadequate, one who'll never measure up to the others. They're way ahead and you're way behind. The thoughts eat you from inside, slowly, painfully and dont stop till theres nothing left. Everything will seem better in the morning..but for now..you just let the thoughts take over.
