Dear you,
I dont know if you'll ever actually read this. I dont know if I'll ever even post it. But thats okay because its more important for me to write this letter than for you to read it.
We go way back, dont we? I feel like Ive always known you, and well, I have. Unfortunately.
I remember how we became friends. When you moved in next door, and I found out that we were of the same age, I was ecstatic! And you were in my school too? It sounded too good to be true. Finally, I had a best friend who I could talk to for hours over the phone, have sleepovers with and go out shopping with. Just like they did in the movies Id seen and books Id read.
I had you, my one best friend, and no one else, really. I didnt have the time, I was always busy with you, wasnt I? But hey, I didnt need anyone else. No one else mattered.
But sometimes, you'd say stuff that was really odd. You'd make fun of my weight at times, or my clothes, always point out how my earrings didnt match my outfit, or make sarcastic remarks about me in front of our friends. You'd remind me constantly that I was so awkward on the dance floor, flailing my arms about stupidly. You were constantly telling me that I was wrong. And I believed you too! You even had me convinced that my ass was way too big and disproportionate to my body.
You'd take everything as a joke,even when I told you I was upset. I started noticing that we were always talking about you, about your problems, and how your day went, and how great your boyfriend was. Id say something, but you'd cut me off, and steer the conversation back to something about you. Like I could have nothing to say that'd be good enough, like I wasnt good enough. It would pinch me, but Id let it go, I mean we were best friends right. And best friends can be absolutely informal with each other. Say anything to each other and it'd still be okay, right? Wrong.
Somewhere down the line, you started taking our friendship as some sort of bizarre competition, where you just had to win. If I did something, you just had to outdo me. You were never happy for me. You acted indifferent to my achievements, but never failed to rub my failures in my face. I didnt understand why you were doing that. The fact that maybe you were jealous of me didnt even strike me. How can your best friend be jealous of you? How twisted was that? But thats how it was. I realised in time that maybe that was how you felt better about yourself, by making others feel bad about themselves.
You made me feel crappy about myself. But Im done with all that. Im done with you. Ive found better friends, ones who actually care about me. Sure they tease me sometimes too, but I know its not meant to hurt me, and I know that they'd stop instantly it if I told them it was really bothering me. Something that you never did.
So bye bye to you, I wish I hadnt spent so much time on you. But thats the past, and Im not going to look back. Now you're just somebody that I used to know, and thank God for that!
Love (well, not so much)
Me
Ps- When I walked past a mirror yesterday I briefly caught my reflection, and well, I gotta say, my ass looked pretty darn good to me!
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This was written for Ruhani's Mindblowing May [Which y'all should totally join btw =D] Day Three.
I dont know if you'll ever actually read this. I dont know if I'll ever even post it. But thats okay because its more important for me to write this letter than for you to read it.
We go way back, dont we? I feel like Ive always known you, and well, I have. Unfortunately.
I remember how we became friends. When you moved in next door, and I found out that we were of the same age, I was ecstatic! And you were in my school too? It sounded too good to be true. Finally, I had a best friend who I could talk to for hours over the phone, have sleepovers with and go out shopping with. Just like they did in the movies Id seen and books Id read.
I had you, my one best friend, and no one else, really. I didnt have the time, I was always busy with you, wasnt I? But hey, I didnt need anyone else. No one else mattered.
But sometimes, you'd say stuff that was really odd. You'd make fun of my weight at times, or my clothes, always point out how my earrings didnt match my outfit, or make sarcastic remarks about me in front of our friends. You'd remind me constantly that I was so awkward on the dance floor, flailing my arms about stupidly. You were constantly telling me that I was wrong. And I believed you too! You even had me convinced that my ass was way too big and disproportionate to my body.
You'd take everything as a joke,even when I told you I was upset. I started noticing that we were always talking about you, about your problems, and how your day went, and how great your boyfriend was. Id say something, but you'd cut me off, and steer the conversation back to something about you. Like I could have nothing to say that'd be good enough, like I wasnt good enough. It would pinch me, but Id let it go, I mean we were best friends right. And best friends can be absolutely informal with each other. Say anything to each other and it'd still be okay, right? Wrong.
Somewhere down the line, you started taking our friendship as some sort of bizarre competition, where you just had to win. If I did something, you just had to outdo me. You were never happy for me. You acted indifferent to my achievements, but never failed to rub my failures in my face. I didnt understand why you were doing that. The fact that maybe you were jealous of me didnt even strike me. How can your best friend be jealous of you? How twisted was that? But thats how it was. I realised in time that maybe that was how you felt better about yourself, by making others feel bad about themselves.
You made me feel crappy about myself. But Im done with all that. Im done with you. Ive found better friends, ones who actually care about me. Sure they tease me sometimes too, but I know its not meant to hurt me, and I know that they'd stop instantly it if I told them it was really bothering me. Something that you never did.
So bye bye to you, I wish I hadnt spent so much time on you. But thats the past, and Im not going to look back. Now you're just somebody that I used to know, and thank God for that!
Love (well, not so much)
Me
Ps- When I walked past a mirror yesterday I briefly caught my reflection, and well, I gotta say, my ass looked pretty darn good to me!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was written for Ruhani's Mindblowing May [Which y'all should totally join btw =D] Day Three.